Who would you like to see in a celebrity UFC cage match

Sports

June 28, 2009

Point/Counterpoint

Anonymous The Duncan Banner Sun Jun 28, 2009, 08:08 PM CDT

Three potential bouts

For starters, I’m not the biggest fan of the UFC, I feel like it’s just a little barbaric. However, seeing a celebrity rendition of the event would be hysterical.

I first thought I would keep it on the sports end and go with Tony Romo against Terrell Owens, but then I thought there is just so many more celebrity matchups that could be interesting.

After much debate, I’ve decided to go with Jennifer Anniston versus Angelina Jolie.

Angelina is known for her time spent making action movies with current hubby Brad Pitt. As we all know, Pitt was formerly with Anniston.

Many news outlets reported that Anniston was disgusted by her split with Pitt as it happened either while they were filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith or just shortly after.

I would love to see a cat fight go down between the two of them. Simply put it would be epic.

Anniston versus Jolie would be fun, but it wouldn’t be the only fight.

I would bring Monica Lewinski from out of the woodwork and put her against Hillary Clinton.

We all know the sleaze ball would probably be betting on the event. Clinton Power! I’m going to go with Lewinski on this one.

Hillary may be able to say a few mean things, but other than that she doesn’t pose much of a threat to Monica. In fact, she’d probably take a beating because she felt so stupid for sticking with Bill.

The heavyweight title is always up for grabs at the end of one of these fight nights. So we need a main event and a fight that will get everyone’s blood pumping.

Donald Trump versus Rosie O’Donnell.

Everyone knows they hate each other. But finally we will get to see the two of them get down and dirty. Trump has the upperhand because he doesn’t have real hair for Rosie to hold onto, it will just simply slide off.

It actually would probably be fairly uneventful, but I’m going to have to go with Rosie.

I think MTV should bring back Celebrity Knockout, it was a show where puppet figures of celebrities would fight. Or maybe UFC could get some celebs in the ring, but I highly doubt that. For now, I’m going with Rosie vs. Donald as best celeb matchup.

—Ryan Cornelius

Perez Hilton vs. Fergie

Amidst the loss of life in the entertainment community this week, an amusing sidenote occurred. Perez Hilton, a socialite blogger, was knocked silly by some roadie for the Black Eyed Peas. And it became even more funny when he went on a little rant.

There has to be a better way to resolve petty differences. And in the spirit of this idea, I submit several high quality match-ups for UFC cagefighting.

First and foremost would be a no-holds barred match between Fergie and Perez. Turns out Perez has some not so kind words for the pop princess and it would be fun to watch him back it up with his fists. I love Fergie in this match-up.

Since we are in pop culture, I present another suggestion for your viewing pleasure. Three months ago I had no idea who John and Kate were. Since that time, I have learned that they are the disgruntled parents of eight children. I think.

Since they have invaded my harmony with relentless updates of the dissolution of their marriage, I would like to see them face off in the cage. To insure that the match is even, John would have to take care of all eight children for two days straight without any help.

In the sports world, there always seem to be some celebrity that grates on your last nerve. Since we are talking about hand-to-hand combat, finding two such figures is a walk in the park.

On one hand you have Don King, a blowhard that has gone a long way to making boxing an obsolete sport. If King would have had his way, all the Muhammed Ali fights would have been on pay-per-view, ignoring the common fan.

When it comes to blowhard, Vince McMahon does not need to take the backseat to anyone. The man is a genius in the way he promotes his wrestling. For some people, wrestling is never the same when they learn that it is fake. For others, wrestling is much like Christmas. Some people will believe in Santa Claus forever.

King is to old and to slow. McMahon in a knockout.

One budding rivalry is starting to develop in the Southeastern Conference where Lane Kiffin has landed to add spice to everyone’s life.

Throughout the years, the SEC has been a wonderful place for conflict. Back in the day when Steve Spurrier was in his prime, he created bulletin board material on a daily basis. Into his legacy steps Kiffin, recently fired from the Oakland Raiders.

When the new coach has taken time off from NCAA rules violations, he has managed to catch the hack off nearly every university in the conference. He has incorrectly accused Urban Meyers of an NCAA violation (pot calling the kettle black) and told one recruit that he would wind up pumping gas for a living if he went to South Carolina.

Judging by Tennessee’s record last season, Kiffin will take a beating before he even made it into the cage.

It is easy to sit back and think about other wonderful cage matches. Simon from American Idol against singing sensation William Hung, Madonna against Alex Rodriguez’ ex-wife and Terrell Owens against Donovan McNabb. But for now, we will just have to sit back and dream about what could have been. And thank the blessings of technology that Perez Hilton was able to Twitter when his life was placed in imminent danger.

—Michael Pineda

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